


Until Morning

by gyungmi



Series: October [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Arguments, Bang Chan & Lee Felix are Siblings, Gravesite Fucking, Hwang Hyunjin & Yang Jeongin | I.N are Siblings, Light Angst, M/M, Murder, Outdoor Sex, Power Play, Rimming, lots of mud
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:55:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28104300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyungmi/pseuds/gyungmi
Summary: The Virgin Marys watched silently as Hyunjin licked the mud from the toe of Chris’ boots, ass dripping into the grass and pretty pupils dilated. Chris let his guilt crumble away at the sight.Maybe he was starting to enjoy this as much as Hyunjin did.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin
Series: October [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2058942
Comments: 9
Kudos: 50





	Until Morning

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! :-)  
> Please be sure to check the tags thoroughly before reading.  
> None of the characters in this story reflect the way that I feel about the members, or are a direct reflection of the members themselves. This is a work of fiction and should be treated as such.  
> Enjoy reading!

It was October. On most days, the sun was just a pale, white glow eclipsed by silver clouds. The days were shorter now. Grayer and darker.

“Who’s it going to be today?” 

Chris slipped his hand into Hyunjin’s back pocket and sucked on the hoop pierced into the side of his lip. Hyunjin had convinced him to get it done back in August, when the sun was orange and the heat was sweltering.

_ “I like your lip ring,” Chris said as he unstuck their bodies. He inspected his nails lazily: a paste of sweat and dead skin had accumulated there. Hyunjin loved being Chris’ manicurist, loved filing his nails into polite, round shapes and trimming his waxy cuticles. Chris imagined his fingers hanging from Hyunjin’s mouth where he would suck the filth from beneath his nails, their cleanliness always a priority. _

_ Hyunjin yawned, his jaw hanging low, and Chris watched his reflection move in the mirror hung from the bedroom door. Lanes of red were scratched into his back, wiggling up his spine and dancing across his shoulders as he stretched his arms above his head. Hyunjin dipped himself lower on top of Chris, graceful and feline, effectively sticking their bodies right back together again. _

_ “You should get one too,” Hyunjin’s tongue sought out the warmth in Chris’ mouth, as if the heat wasn’t suffocating enough already. “We can match.” _

_ Chris considered it. A matching piercing with Hyunjin, a Monroe to Hyunjin’s Madonna.  _

_ He took Hyunjin’s ring between his teeth and smiled, “Okay.” _

_ The afternoon stretched on into infinity. The hum of the cicadas and the hum of Hyunjin’s ceiling fan soon became indistinguishable. _

When Hyunjin laughed, the ghost of his breath floated from his lips in delicate spirals. Chris was grabbing at his ass through his jeans while they crept through sparse clumps of grass. Whoever was responsible for landscaping the cemetery was doing a lousy job. It looked like the grass hadn’t been watered in weeks. Maybe longer. Maybe not since that golden afternoon in August.

“Hm.” Hyunjin paused. A few yards away, the petals of white lilies were sitting in a patch of starlight. Beside the bouquet was a half-deflated balloon anchored by a tiny, plastic weight. Its foiled lining winked at them from where it floated across the lawn, suspended delicately in the air.

“That one,” Hyunjin decided, “The one over there.”

The gravesite was beautiful. Standing before it like this, Chris studied some of the miniature adornments and trinkets decorating the grave: glass Virgin Marys painted on the sides of candle holders, statuette Virgin Marys with their heads permanently bowed in prayer, twin tired-eyed Virgin Marys etched onto the headstone and bathing in an immaculate light. 

Beside the Marys, the grocery store bouquet of lilies Hyunjin had spotted earlier was laying in the dirt. The bright red  _ $7.99 _ price tag sticker was still attached to its wrapping paper. Only four of the lilies were in full bloom, their petals stretched wide and welcoming. The rest were just hibernating buds. They were shyly folded in on themselves, seemingly hiding their faces from the October cold. Chris looked to Hyunjin, who was squatting in the dead grass and inspecting the headstone with reverence.

“Having fun?”

“S’really nice. Really fucking nice,” Hyunjin mused. “When I die, I hope you get me something fancy like this.”

It only took a couple of seconds for Hyunjin to identify its material. High-grade blue pearl granite, apparently. He had a recently developed curiosity for these sorts of macabre things. When he wasn’t preoccupied with Chris’ cock down his throat or his 2nd rereading of  _ Gone Girl _ , Hyunjin spent his free time playing funeral director. It was his  _ thing _ , knowing the differences between coffins and caskets, and why chrysanthemums were more appropriate sympathy flowers than carnations. Hyunjin could rattle off all different kinds of headstone granite: mountain rose, coral rose, impala black, mahogany…

_ “Do you know what you want when you die?” _

_ “Diana Green, probably.” Chris asked this question every now and then, and each time Hyunjin would provide a new piece of information. “What about you, baby?” _

_ Chris allowed himself to think for a moment. He truthfully hadn’t considered it. Death seemed so far away from where he was now.  _

_ “I wanna be cremated. You can do something cool with my ashes, like put it in a diamond or plant a tree with them.” _

_ “You don’t wanna be buried together? Side by side, like an army couple?” Hyunjin smiles and laughs like it’s a joke, but Chris knows that he’s being at least a little bit honest. Hyunjin would want to be with him for as long as he could. “We can get all moldy underground together.” _

_ It was Hyunjin’s own weird way of being romantic, and the more Chris played with the idea in his mind, the more he felt like rotting in earth with Hyunjin didn’t sound so scary. _

Hyunjin’s morbid interests had always intrigued Chris. They’re what led them here: wandering the town’s cemetery at night to find a grave to fuck on. A Friday night tradition.

“She died this year,” Chris pursed his lips as he read the headstone under the glow of his phone’s flashlight, “Seventy-two years old… probably someone’s granny?”

“Pardon us, ma’am,” Hyunjin perched himself comfortably on the edge of the headstone and hooked his arms around Chris’ shoulders with a playful smile, “we won’t disturb you for long.”

When they had first started sneaking out like this, Chris was always quick in his movements. Quick to undress, quick to fuck, quick to fill the dimples of Hyunjin’s lower back with cum. He never took the time to appreciate how lovely Hyunjin looked smeared with dirt and stuffed with cock. Honestly, truly, genuinely... Hyunjin looked so beyond lovely like this. 

_ “You’re so good Chris,” _ Hyunjin would chant as his body was rocked into the ground.  _ “So, so good.” _

But now, with his hands gripping the flesh of Hyunjin’s thighs and fucking him on top of an old grandmother’s grave, Chris wonders where all of his goodness went. Now, with Hyunjin’s face buried in the bouquet of lilies and smelling their sweetness with every sharp inhale, Chris feels guilty for abandoning his goodness so easily.

_ “I want you to flip me on my stomach and fuck me like that,” _ Hyunjin would say, back when Chris was still good and gentle. They were melted into each other’s sides, bare legs touching and hands wandering. Watching porn together was one of their favorite pastimes.

_ “Okay,” _ Chris had promised to try, nervous. He wasn’t sure if he could be mean to Hyunjin like the actors on screen. 

The Virgin Marys watched silently as Hyunjin licked the mud from the toe of Chris’ boots, ass dripping into the grass and pretty pupils dilated. Chris let his guilt crumble away at the sight.

Maybe he was starting to enjoy this as much as Hyunjin did.

•••

“Can I come over?”

Felix’s voice sounded bloated as it crackled through Chris’ phone speaker. He paused for a second, and sure enough a muffled sniffle sounded from the other end of the line. Felix was definitely crying, no matter how pitiful his efforts were to keep his voice from wobbling.

_ “What’s wrong?”  _ Hyunjin mouthed silently, eyebrows knitted together in worry. Chris only frowned and shrugged his shoulders. Hyunjin’s hair was tousled and filthy with chunks of dirt, but Chris still ran his fingers through it.

“Everything okay, Felix?”

“Fuck no,” Felix choked, “Lucas just broke up with me.”

“Oh, no...” Hyunjin half-whispered and half-sighed a little too close to the phone’s mic.

“What?” Felix’s voice teetered between agitation and unease, “Are you with someone?”

“It’s just Hyunjin,” Chris reassured, “Do you need me to come get you?”

Felix let out a quiet wheeze, like there was too much air trapped in his too-tight chest. He spoke carefully, like he was afraid his words would break on the way out of his mouth.

“...Please?”

Hyunjin sat up to put his seatbelt on. 

“Of course,” Chris put the key in the ignition, and the engine beneath the hood of his Honda Civic grumbled like it was woken up from a deep sleep. The floor of the car began trembling beneath their feet.

“Think you can have some pants on in 15?”

“...Yeah,” Felix’s sigh sounded a little bit like laughter. A small victory.

“See you soon,” Chris was smiling. Even if he knew Felix couldn’t see it, he hoped he could hear it. “Love you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Love you… see you.”

When Chris hung up, Hyunjin was preening himself in the small mirror embedded in the sunvisor. The auto triggered light casted an unattractive yellow glow across his face.

The bluetooth reconnected to Hyunjin’s phone immediately, and suddenly the two of them sat surrounded by the noise of  _ Motionless in White _ . Chris admired Hyunjin’s jaundiced complexion for a little while longer before clearing his throat. 

“No movie night.”

“No movie night,” Hyunjin repeated hallowly, “It’s okay. I get it. Sometimes you gotta play big brother.”

“I’m sorry,” Chris apologized and sank back into the cracked vinyl of his seat.

“I get it.” Hyunjin’s eyes sparkled with something understanding. Something forgiving. When Hyunjin planted one of his candy kisses onto his lips, Chris knew that it was really okay.

He dropped Hyunjin off first.

“Are you sure you don’t want to spend the night anyway?” Chris asks as Hyunjin is climbing out of the Honda. “Lix could take the room, and we could crash on the pull-out. We could cuddle, if you wanna?” 

“Goodnight Chris,” Hyunjin reiterates, “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? We can cuddle then, I promise, but tonight you should give all your attention to Felix. Text me when you guys make it to your place.”

The arching streetlamps casted a halo of light from behind Hyunjin. He looked like he was glowing. Chris couldn’t bring himself to argue with an angel. “Okay,” he finally gives in to his boyfriend’s stubbornness, “I will… I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Chris yells through the window once Hyunjin closes the passenger’s door, “So much!”

“ _Goodnight_ _Chris_!” Hyunjin shouts back. Chris watches him as he digs for his student ID card and swipes it to disappear inside the campus dormitory. Tomorrow felt so far away.

•••

Felix is replacing Hyunjin’s presence no more than ten minutes later. Chris leans over the center console to give his little brother a one-armed hug. Felix melts into the embrace, so he holds him a little tighter. 

“Hey man.”

Felix purses his lips and takes in a shaky breath before saying, “Hey.”

“Hungry?” Chris offers a smile once he pulls away.

“It’s like, ass o’ clock right now.”

“The IHOP on Jefferson is 24/7. How does steak and eggs sound right now?”

“Like a stomachache,” Felix plays with his damp eyelashes and sniffs. “But pancakes sound kind of good.”

There was something surprisingly nostalgic about eating breakfast foods at one in the morning with Felix. It reminded Chris of their childhood together, back when Tuesdays were Spaghetti nights and Sundays were for night breakfasts. They would sit in front of the TV and play Final Fantasy while munching on bowls of peanut butter Cap’n Crunch. Chris did more watching than playing, his eyes glued to the screen while Felix’s character jumped and slashed and combo attacked. 

They were good memories.

But that was years ago. It was behind them, lost in the past. In the present, Felix sat stiffly in the booth across from Chris while pouring too much Tabasco on his hash browns.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Felix’s swollen under eyes could no longer obscure themselves in the shadows of night. Here, out of Chris’ car and beneath the restaurant’s flat paneled lights, it was clear that Felix had been crying. Clear that he had been heartbroken.

“He broke up with me over text,” Felix admitted, “It came out of nowhere. At midnight. He probably thought I was asleep, but I was up watching bleach fail videos.”

Chris recalled his brother saying something about wanting to go blonde before fall break. So much had changed about Felix since coming to college. He wanted to say that, in some way, Felix was finally beginning to blossom: experimenting with his style. Experimenting with hobbies. Experimenting with men.

“I’m sorry your first time had to be like this.”

Felix lifted his gaze up towards his brother, looking for answers, but Chris didn’t have any.

Sometimes, two people just don’t work.

“I wish I could do something about it.” He felt bad. He couldn’t solve every problem, not like he could when they were kids. They were older now, and some things just couldn’t be fixed, only learned from. Felix would have to start coming to his own rescue. 

“We don’t have to talk about it anymore if you don’t want to.”

“I want to, but I don’t think I’m ready yet,” Felix stabbed at his short stack of chocolate chip pancakes and watched the syrup drip off the side of his plate. Chris noticed how tired he looked. “I think I’m still processing, or whatever.”

“You know, if I was still on the team, I’d give him a hard time at Saturday practice tomorrow,” Chris tried to brighten the mood, if only a little. Felix’s gaze stayed fixed on the globs of syrup spilling onto the table.

“Why’d you quit?” Felix’s pancakes were soaked and mushy. Almost inedible-looking. “You loved lacrosse.”

“It just wasn’t my thing.”

“It was, though,” Felix continued, “You loved it. So why’d you quit?”

“Sure, I was  _ good  _ at it—“

“You were Division II.”

“—but just because you’re good at something doesn’t mean it’s your  _ thing.  _ I have other stuff I like now. Shit I actually enjoy doing, you know?”

“Like fucking around with Hyunjin?”

Chris frowned. They’ve had this discussion before. 

“Felix.”

“I’m just saying,” Felix brought his hand up to his mouth and began nibbling at his hangnails, “you’ve changed. A lot.”

“I haven’t,” Chris argued, “I’m still the same person.”

Felix sighed into his glass of orange juice. 

“Not really.”

The silence that follows is tense in a way that Chris isn’t used to when he’s around Felix. He decides to fill it with the sound of his knife scraping the surface of his plate when he cuts into his eggs. The yolk spills out slowly, soaking into his hash browns. Their waitress comes by soon after.

“Is everything okay over here?” she asks, surprisingly chipper for 1 in the morning.

Chris isn’t sure how to answer.

•••

Eyes slipped shut and hunger satiated, Chris’ hands grip at the steering cover in timed pulses. His steak and eggs were sitting heavy in his stomach. Felix’s words were weighing on his mind. There was a lot to digest tonight.

“Hyunjin isn’t sleeping over?” Felix said something at last. Things had been quiet between them ever since leaving the restaurant.

“No. Not tonight.” Though Chris really wished that he was. “He has stuff to do in the morning anyway.”

Felix seemed to perk up at that. “So I can spend the night?”

“Depends. You gonna cook me breakfast in the morning?” Chris looked at his brother with puppy-dog eyes that Hyunjin made fun of him for. Felix only knew how to cook one breakfast food, huevos rancheros from a recipe he stole online, but he made it well.

“I knew it,” Felix finally laughed, “you only love me for my huevos rancheros.”

“You know that’s not true! You’re lovable for a few other reasons too.”

Felix’s smile widened just a bit. “Yeah, sure.”

The drive to Chris’ apartment in uptown was unexpectedly pleasant. He let Felix be the DJ, allowing him to connect his bluetooth to the car’s speakers and play whatever songs he wanted. They got through  _ Ghost Ship _ ,  _ 1979 _ , and half of  _ Dancing Queen  _ before Chris reversed into a vacant parking spot across the street from his complex.

Chris lived on the third floor, and the elevator was this vintage thing that jolted violently before and after each use. Felix hated the damn thing. It was a death trap. Upon entering the lobby, the elevator still had the same OUT OF SERVICE note stuck to its shut doors from two weeks ago, scrawled out in blue magic marker in the landlord’s messy writing.

He shared an apologetic look with Felix before beginning their ascent up the staircase.

“Thanks for letting me stay the night. And for picking me up. And for the pancakes. And for… everything.” Felix’s voice echoed loudly against the stone walls of the staircase. Chris hopped up two steps at a time to catch up with his brother and nudge him playfully with his hip.

“Thanks for only playing  _ Dancing Queen  _ once on the way over,” he teased, digging his hand into his back pocket and toying with the fabric of his key lanyard with his fingertips.

Felix’s hip nudged him back. “Thanks for introducing me to an asshole who breaks up with his boyfriends over WeChat.”

“Lucas seemed like a cool guy.” Chris paused. “We used to be close,” and then, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Chris had nothing to apologize for, but Felix forgave him anyway. “At least I got this cool bracelet.”

Felix lifted his wrist and proudly showed off the Cartier LOVE bracelet that he’d been gifted over a month ago for his birthday. Lucas came from old money, and Felix had no issues with being spoiled. The bracelet shimmered sadly beneath the dull fluorescent lights.

“Wow. I didn’t know you were a jewelry person.”

“I’m not,” Felix let out a weak laugh. “He’s the kind of guy who thinks expensive gifts are the best gifts. I mean, it’s nice. It’s Cartier. But I was kind of hoping that he’d get me the new Dark Souls.”

Chris smiled at that. “You gonna sell it?”

“I don’t think so. It’s really pretty,” Felix started, “and it reminds me of him. I know he’s an asshole. And a jerk. And a loser—”

“Anything else?”

“And a  _ dickhead _ ,” Felix finished, “but I still liked him.  _ Like  _ him. I still like him a lot, Chris.”

Chris opened the door that spilled them out into the third floor hallway. Their footsteps became muted on the gray-stained carpet. At the end of the hall, near the fire escape, the ceiling light was flickering. Twitching. Plunging itself in and out of the darkness.

“Do you wanna get back together with him?” Chris unlocked the door to his apartment and let his brother in first. 

“I don’t know. Kind of.” 

Felix busied himself with untying his shoes and kicking his Nikes into the corner. Keeping himself distracted with his shoelaces made the truth hurt a little less. “I thought we were doing really good together.”

“Maybe it just wasn’t in the cards for you guys. You’re still the same Felix who he fell in love with.”

“We weren’t  _ in love _ . We dated for like, seven months.”

“You’re still the person he liked enough to  _ ask out  _ and be devoted to for seven months. My point is that being broken up with doesn’t mean you’re less awesome, or less patient, or less funny, or less… valuable.”

“I don’t feel less valuable. I just feel bad.” Felix frowned and began picking off the lint clinging to the toes of his socks, “I keep trying to figure out what it was that I did wrong, for him to just… end things so out of nowhere. Something must have been my fault. Maybe I said something. Maybe I messed up. Maybe I wasn’t good enough, or experienced enough for him? So… I guess that yeah, nevermind. Maybe I do feel less valuable.”

Crouching down next to Felix, Chris gathered up his brother’s sneakers and placed them neatly on the shoe rack. “I know it’s hard, and it sucks, but try not to get too caught up in mourning a dead relationship. You don’t have to be good together. You can be good all on your own. Are you picking up what I’m putting down?”

“Yeah,” Felix nodded and hid his face between his knees. “I understand.”

Chris sat there on the floor next to Felix and draped an arm around him, “You’re gonna be okay.” 

Felix nodded his head again. He hadn’t even realized he was crying until it became hard to breathe.

•••

“I’m not gonna kiss you on that blood-mouth.”

Chris pouted. His lips were shining with hamburger grease. 

“What if I gargled?”

“I said  _ no _ ,” Hyunjin laughed through a mouthful of his Greek salad. He brought up a polite hand to cover his mouth before he accidentally spit out an olive. “Get off. You’re heavy.”

Chris whined petulantly, but still crawled to the opposite end of Hyunjin’s twin XL. In retrospect, getting a cheeseburger from the cafeteria on campus was not worth the lack of kisses. Not even the fancy brioche bun could have hidden how offensively dry that hamburger patty was. Definitely not an equal exchange.

“I sabotaged myself.”

“Yeah.” Hyunjin’s tongue darted out to lick away some of the olive oil dressing dripping down the side of his mouth. “Sure did.”

Chris hugged one of Hyunjin’s many Tempur-Pedic pillows to his chest, “Should I try being a vegetarian too?”

That seemed to pique Hyunjin’s interest. His plastic fork stilled in his mouth, “Do you want to?”

“Dunno. I thought that maybe we could be one of those cute vegetarian couples? The ones who go out to brunch and wear TOMS. That could be  _ us. _ ”

“Please, not the TOMS.”

“So, Birkenstocks?”

“Absolutely not.” Hyunjin snorted, and the corner of his eyes scrunched up in a cute way that Chris adored. “We’d look like Veggie Tales out there.”

“That’d be a cute couple’s Halloween costume!”

Hyunjin actually laughed properly at that— a true, shoulder-shaking, chest-rumbling, infectious burst of laughter that left Chris giggling alongside him. 

“Stop talking! I’m trying to eat and you’re distracting me!”

Chris finally relented. The dorm went quiet, aside from the crunch of salad mix in Hyunjin’s mouth. He was hand-feeding Chris the leftover oil-coated cherry tomatoes from his salad when they heard someone punching in the passcode on the other side of the door. 

Hyunjin sighed immediately when his roommate stepped inside.

“Hi Jisung.”

Chris lifted a hand and waved politely in an attempt to be friendly, “Hey man.”

Jisung ignored Chris’ greeting and instead hurried over to his side of the room where a half-packed suitcase laid resting on his bed.

“Can you at least tell me when you’re gonna bring someone over?” Jisung wasn’t even facing them, but Chris could guess that his face was twisted in some unhandsome, annoyed expression. As usual. “This is my room too.”

“Sorry,” though Hyunjin didn’t sound sorry at all. “You look nice today, like a little businessman. Different from your usual.”

Jisung was sorting his socks meticulously, separating the argyle printed Ralph Lauren from the solid black Ralph Lauren. Chris didn’t know that something as mundane as organizing socks could be made pretentious, but Jisung was always full of surprises like this. 

“I’m not going for business. I’m going for business casual.”

Hyunjin’s brows wrinkled in confusion, “There’s a difference?”

“This is a turtleneck,” Jisung stated like he expected for Hyunjin to just understand. When he didn’t, Jisung let out the most dramatic, exasperated groan. “I’m wearing chinos!”

“Of course there’s a difference, babe,” Chris interrupted and smiled in a way that he knew Jisung would take as mocking, a way that he knew would aggravate him. “He’s wearing  _ chinos _ .”

“You’re irritating,” Jisung said plainly before continuing to pack his suitcase, but Chris could tell by the tension in his shoulders that he was bothered. Hyunjin seemed to notice too, because he let out a hum of laughter that he lamely disguised as a cough.

At the beginning of their relationship, Chris had a hard time adjusting to Jisung’s attitude. He could only be ignored so much, deflect the hurtful words so often, let a crying Hyunjin spend the night so many times before he couldn’t remain complacent any longer. Jisung was an asshole, through and through. But now, the two of them were used to Jisung’s whirlwinding anger. They could even laugh about it sometimes.

“I’ll be back on Sunday.” Jisung was checking himself in the mirror now, smoothing down the stray hairs along his side part and cuffing the sleeves of his turtleneck. “Don’t trash the room, please. Or I’ll complain to the R.A.”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes into the back of his skull so hard that he swore he could see the synapses firing in his brain. “Enjoy your retreat.”

“My conference,” Jisung corrected.

“Whatever it is, enjoy it.”

Jisung tugged up the handle to his suitcase with a little more force than necessary and swung the door open. “Thanks,” he replied sorely before disappearing out of the dorm room. Chris could hear the wobbly wheel on the rolling suitcase  _ click-clack _ tauntingly as Jisung lugged it down the hallway.

“I hope his chinos wrinkle after sitting on that bus all day.”

Hyunjin giggles again, and Chris is so happy to hear that wonderful sound again. “Leave him alone.”

“What conference is he going to? Do you know?”

“Something for his nerdy student org.”

“Which is?”

Hyunjin shrugged, “Engineering, I’m pretty sure.”

_ “Yawn.” _

“I know, right?” Hyunjin laughed and draped himself across Chris’ lap. “We’re alone now. Until Sunday.”

“Two whole days.” Chris runs his thumb along the cartilage of Hyunjin’s ear and admires him for a short while before saying, “I’ve missed you.”

It doesn’t dawn on him now how much he’s actually missed Hyunjin until he says it out loud. Felix had been staying over nearly every night since last Friday, not that Chris didn’t appreciate the company. He loved his brother, but he was exhaustingly clingy. And then Hyunjin had been swept up in a turbulent spiral of school and work, too busy leading his cinematography project group and serving customers their orders of margarita pizzas and chicken caesar salads to fulfill his promise of cuddling. 

Earlier that week, Chris had been marathoning  _ Criminal Minds  _ with Felix when his phone buzzed in his sweatpants. 

_ It was a text from Hyunjin:  _ **_come visit me at work, I miss u_ **

_ And then, seconds later:  _ **_I’ll sneak u a strawberry lemonade \\(^3^)/_ **

_ Chris promised Felix that he’d be back soon with something for lunch.  _

_ The strawberry lemonade was good. Hyunjin had teased him about his kisses tasting sweet and sour while they made out in the Employee’s Only bathroom. _

It dawned on Chris that it had been a while since they had been comfortable like this, alone together. The weight of Hyunjin’s head in his lap felt really good. Reassuring. Cozy.

“Wanna watch  _ The Thing _ ? To make up for last week?”

“Nah,” Hyunjin smiles, and there’s a little bit of naughtiness hidden there. “I wanna rim you.”

Chris involuntarily tenses at the suggestion. He can’t hide the thrill in his voice or the anticipation swimming in his eyes, even if he wanted to. “You’re serious?”

A grin makes its way onto Hyunjin’s face, and he gives his answer by placing a few kisses on the inside of Chris’ clothed thigh.

Jisung’s bed was a lot different from Hyunjin’s, which was comfier and smelled like the expensive fabric softening pellets he hid on his side of the closet. Jisung’s duvet was navy blue— Chris knew that getting it messy would leave obvious stains, but maybe that was the whole point of Hyunjin suggested to fuck on his roommate’s bed in the first place.

“I love this,” Hyunjin sighed into Chris’ armpit. He licked up the sweat and deodorant with an endearing enthusiasm. “Love it,” he sighed happily, beginning to trail his mouth down the curve of Chris’ underarm towards his navel. This part of his belly was much softer and much more sensitive than the rest of his stomach, and Hyunjin made sure to show it so much love.

“You’re amazing. Always.”

“You’re amazing too,” Chris says as he shifts a little further up Jisung’s bed, allowing himself to get comfortable.

It’s only a matter of time before Hyunjin is making himself at home between Chris’ legs. It’s been a long while since he had last given Hyunjin permission to treat him like this, long enough to forget how much Hyunjin loved to tease. The gentle kisses and nibbles along his thigh felt great, and the palming of his cock above his sweatpants was even better, but patience was not a virtue Chris had a firm grasp on. It took a few desperate whines for more to finally get Hyunjin where he wanted him: face fit snugly between his legs and breathing warmth onto his asshole.

Chris let his head fall back into Jisung’s pillows, slipping his eyes closed and allowing his lower body to roll back onto Hyunjin’s tongue. The way he ate Chris out was something he had down to a method. An art form. Hyunjin worked him up slowly, massaging the hard muscle on his butt and sucking on his rim until it became manageably soft. Chris encouraged him with a few whispery groans, letting Hyunjin know that he was doing a wonderful job, as always. 

His cock was laying flaccid on his stomach, drooling into his happy trail and twitching every time Hyunjin’s tongue or finger began to breach his hole. He sighed in pleasure again, always happy to let Hyunjin hear how good he was making him feel, and let his legs fall open just a bit more.

“Hyunjin,” Chris slid his fingers into Hyunjin’s hair and pulled his head upwards. His lips were pink and glossy with spit, and his pointer finger continued pushing in and out of Chris’ hole. Sliding in to the first knuckle, and then back out again before using the pad of his index finger to massage the ribboned muscle around the rim. Chris loved shit like this. He loved how hungrily Hyunjin devoured him, breathing in his sourness and savoring his taste. Chris bit down on his lower lip and gripped Hyunjin’s hair a little tighter.

“Can I touch myself?”

Hyunjin withdrew his face from between Chris’ legs, looking up at his boyfriend while nibbling biting kisses onto his thighs. His eyes were shining with excitement.

“I’m in charge?”

“If you don’t mind,” Chris smiled sweetly. Hopefully. The dulled edge of his fingernails scratched circles into Hyunjin’s scalp, and Hyunjin relaxed into the feeling with a sigh. Chris became magically irresistible whenever he pleaded for something, and he seemed to know this about himself.

Chris’ fingers are playing in the precum oozing onto his lower belly, and he sighs happily when Hyunjin decides to press a few gentle kisses onto his balls. “So?”

Hyunjin pauses. Chris’ dick is filling out slowly, pulsing and an attractive shade of pink towards the head. It’s simply begging to be touched, weeping for attention from between his thighs. Chris always looks so,  _ so  _ good whenever he’s jerked off, all pliant and squirmy and perfect for Hyunjin to behold. He wants to give in to Chris’ request so badly.

“No.” 

Chris looks like he’s getting ready to protest, but his words are suppressed into silence once he remembers his place. Remembers telling Hyunjin that he’s in charge.

“Okay,” he obeys, untangling his fingers from Hyunjin’s hair and placing his hands on his chest in polite fists.

Hyunjin allows himself to soak in the sight of his boyfriend surrendering himself fully, posing demurely with his legs kept open and inviting. Chris’ toes are a little cold when he drags them up Hyunjin’s ankle teasingly, and Hyunjin shivers before giving the first command of many.

“Get on your stomach.”

And Chris does. It’s in this position, hips raised and head bowed in submission, that Hyunjin licks, sucks, fingers and fucks him. The two of them make a disgusting mess of Jisung’s bedsheets, not caring for the consequences or what they’ll do come Sunday. Laundry is the last thing on Chris’ mind when Hyunjin is sliding his softened cock out of his asshole, now all sloppy and swollen from use, and begins dripping onto the duvet. 

Hyunjin takes the opportunity to take a hold of Chris, who is still boneless and fucked out beneath him, and fingerfuck the mess back inside of his hole. Chris’ moan is muffled by the softness of Jisung’s pillow, now chewed up and drool-soaked, but Hyunjin knows that the sound is appreciative.

“You like that?” Hyunjin asks, and his question is answered by the gentle rocking of Chris’ hips back onto his fingers. His ass is small and tight, so it doesn’t jiggle much when Hyunjin lands a smack against his left cheek, but it's still a pretty sight to behold. Chris has always suffered from a pale complexion, so the site of impact reddens beautifully in just a few seconds.

“I’m gonna have to wash myself out,” Chris finally says, propping himself up on his elbows and arching his back into a stretch. “Baby, let me up.”

“Let me clean you up a little first,” Hyunjin insists, leaving Chris’ side to retrieve a small stack of takeout napkins. “It isn’t good to wash all of this down the shower drain. It could clog. Can you push a little for me?”

Chris sighs and reaches behind himself to spread his cheeks apart, relaxing and contracting his muscles until Hyunjin’s cum begins bubbling around the rim. It isn’t long before it all eventually comes squirting out. He inhales through his nose sharply at the wet sound it makes.

“Fuck, that’s gross,” Chris can’t help but laugh out loud.

“It’s hot,” Hyunjin corrects, being sure to catch the mess with the napkins. “Thank you for letting me finish inside. It felt really good.”

He knows that this is one of the reasons why Chris prefers giving over receiving, alongside the ache in his tailbone that will persist for a couple of hours. Hyunjin wipes away the cum dripping down Chris’ perineum and his thighs before placing a kiss to his hole. Hyunjin can feel it fluttering beneath the press of his lips.

“It felt good for me too. Thank you for fucking me,” Chris rolls onto his back and grins tiredly. Getting fucked by Hyunjin always leaves him with a bone-deep exhaustion.

The communal showers in Hyunjin’s dorm are set on an 8 minute timer, so they should be moving to clean up quickly, but neither of them can resist finding asylum in each other’s mouths beneath the warm spray of water. Hyunjin should have known that assisting Chris with cleaning himself out would have led to this, the impromptu prostate massage and sliding around the stall in their shower shoes. And because Hyunjin simply can't help himself, he ends up stroking Chris halfway to another orgasm. Chris is trembling against the shower wall and making out with the side of Hyunjin’s neck once the water cuts off.

Soaking wet and body cooling quickly, Chris seeks warmth in Hyunjin’s arms. He wishes they could stay like this forever.

•••

They fuck all weekend long: against the wall, on top of the mini fridge Jisung’s parents were paying for, beneath the covers of Jisung’s bed.

They only venture out of the dorm once, when Hyunjin’s brother needs a lift home from a house party, and even then, Chris ends up riding Hyunjin in the cramped front seat. After all, being seated on Hyunjin’s cock was a sweet treat that Chris was rarely able to indulge in.

“You look so good riding my dick.” Hyunjin is sure to keep his volume low, but Chris falls forward and shuts him up with a kiss anyway. 

“I know.” Chris exhales deeply, his voice is light with laughter as he whispers into Hyunjin’s ear. They used too much lube this time, and it's making a strawberry-scented mess on Hyunjin’s boxers.

Jeongin is still spread out across the backseat, mouth open hanging open and passed out drunk after too many cups of jungle juice. Chris slows his bouncing to a controlled roll of his hips, careful not to disturb their passenger. They both cum like this, intertwined and quiet in the front seat of Chris’ car.

•••

Hyunjin’s dormitory hall was built on one of the highest points on campus. It was Sunday morning, and Chris woke up to the familiar sound of someone punching in the passcode on the dorm room’s keypad. The sun was just barely beginning to claw its way back into the sky. Jisung was back early.

There was the sound of the door opening, and the  _ click-clack _ of the loose wheel on Jisung’s suitcase, and then silence. Though it didn’t last long.

“Get up.  _ Get up _ ,” Jisung’s voice was edging on something gnarly.

Hyunjin, still sleepy and slow, sat up just in time for Jisung’s closed fist to knock him back down into the covers. A confused whine was punched out of him, and Chris had rolled over to shield him before he had even processed what was happening.

“I said  _ get up _ , Hyunjin!”

“Jisung—”

“Get the hell out, Chris.” Jisung looked like he was ready to swing again, but decided against it at the last minute. Chris was relieved.

“If I see you in here again, I’ll— I’ll fucking—“

“I’m sorry. He’ll leave,” Hyunjin placated from somewhere beneath the bedsheets.

Jisung didn’t look any less angry after Hyunjin’s attempt at an apology. “Did you fuck in my bed?”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Did you fuck your boyfriend in  _ my bed _ ?”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin admits, “It wasn’t— Jisung, I’m so sorry. I’ll pay for the dry cleaning. Or a new bed set, literally whatever you want, okay?”

“You seriously fucked in my bed.”

“We’re sorry, Jisung. We can leave,” Chris looked to Hyunjin who was tenderly cradling the left side of his face. Jisung’s punch had landed directly on the side of Hyunjin’s nose. Luckily there was no blood, but Chris still worried that it would bruise.

He had never seen Jisung this frustrated before, overwhelmed to the point where words escaped him. He had never seen Jisung tense up like this, or shake like this. As if to restrain himself from taking his anger out on them, Jisung leaves the room in a hurry. The door slams behind him so loudly that the walls shake.

The silence that envelops them thereafter is still so loud. Hyunjin rolls out of Jisung’s bed and stands with wobbly knees, and he’s quick to hide his nakedness with a pair of previously discarded shorts.

“Chris, you should go.” He says with his back turned, searching in the closet for a clean sweatshirt to wear. Chris nods even though Hyunjin can’t see it and begins to dress himself.

“We should both get out of here, give him a little time to cool off. We can do his laundry at my place?”

“I need to stay and talk to him,” Hyunjin turns to Chris, now fully dressed. As he had feared, the side of Hyunjin’s face is already beginning to discolor. “Please leave?”

So he leaves. He makes Hyunjin promise to talk to him once he’s properly apologized to Jisung, says that he’ll keep his phone ringer on for the rest of the day so he’s sure he won’t miss the call. The clothes he throws on are from before the weekend had started, so they’re a little smelly, but Chris is too eager to leave the dormitory to waste any time looking for clean clothes belonging to Hyunjin that will fit him.

On his way out, Chris runs into Jisung as he exits the communal bathroom. Jisung is completely red in the face, and upon seeing Chris, his upper lip curls in on itself in an almost-snarl.

“Next time I see you,” he says, voice shaking, “I promise I’ll kill you.”

Chris doesn’t know what to say to that. He just watches as Jisung brushes past him, making his way back down the hall and towards his room. He hopes Hyunjin will be okay.

Chris does his best to avoid Jisung after that, and Hyunjin doesn’t invite him over to the dorm anymore. They spend the rest of their time together within the comfort of Chris’ apartment, or hiding in the bathroom at Hyunjin’s job, or fucking in the graveyard.

It’s another week before Hyunjin’s face begins to look normal again.

•••

It’s Friday night, and Chris is trudging through clumps of soggy dirt and dead grass. It had been drizzling earlier that day, leaving the cemetery grounds slippery and spongy. The earth squelched sadly beneath the lazy drag of his boots. He suggested that maybe they could break their weekly tradition tonight, that instead of having a muddy fuck, they could have a cozy night in at his apartment. But Hyunjin insisted that he wouldn’t mind, that he liked the mess. Chris decided not to argue. He wouldn’t mind seeing Hyunjin muddied-up and fucked-out.

“I wanted to look cheap for once,” Hyunjin smiled when he unzipped his jeans, pulling them a little further down his hips to show off the straps of his thong. “Tonight, I want you to use me up. Like I’m nothing.”

Chris was used to this, the pretending. By now, he was comfortable with spitting in Hyunjin’s eyes and twisting him up into a ball of garbage like he really  _ was  _ nothing.

He pressed a sugary kiss to his boyfriend’s lips, letting Hyunjin savor the last bit of sweetness he would be offering him for the rest of the night.

“Okay. Pants off.”

Chris slipped into his role easily.

True to his word, Hyunjin really did seem to be enjoying the mess. He moaned when Chris knotted his hair up in his fists, leading his face into the mud and grimacing at the feeling of it sliding against his cheek. Chris loves it though, the sight of Hyunjin’s beautiful face now made ugly and messy in the dirt makes his fingers twitch with excitement. It gets everywhere, up Hyunjin’s nose and in his mouth; it mucks up the pretty silver studs pierced into his ear lobes. Chris forces his head up to take a better look at him.

Hyunjin let his mouth fall open, an open invitation.

“Nasty.” Chris laughs and smacks him across the face. Hyunjin only moaned and kept his mouth hanging open, ready to receive whatever more Chris was willing to give him.

“Just stop it,” Chris finally tells him. “You look gross, should I even bother fucking you? I don’t wanna stick my dick in something this filthy.”

“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin’s voice lilted pathetically, like some sad rhapsody. “Please fuck me. I promise my ass is clean… you can use my ass, okay?”

Chris wrinkled his nose at that, feigning disgust. “Begging for sex is supposed to be hot, but somehow you managed to make it weird,” he scoffs, and Hyunjin grunts out some ugly, desperate cry that’s supposed to sound sexy, Chris assumes. He supposes that if anything, Hyunjin’s effort to still seem appealing while half-caked in mud turns him on a little. He’s willing to reward him for that much.

“Fine.”

Hyunjin smiles appreciatively, and there’s a speck of dirt smeared on his front tooth. “Thank you, Chris.”

“C’mon. Just get me off.”

The October air is frigid and cold, but the inside of Hyunjin is so warm. Chris wants to consider it comforting, but even that’s a little too poetic for someone as messed up as Hyunjin is right now. Hyunjin is breathing heavily through his nose, so much so that some snot begins to drip from his nostrils.

“Fuck, baby.  _ Fuck _ .” Chris’ voice is vibrating in his chest. Fucking Hyunjin like this makes him feel breathless. He uses a mud-covered hand to grab at Hyunjin’s mud-covered face, and he watches proudly as his boyfriend’s eyes roll back into his skull. Hyunjin squeals like a pig lazing happily in muddy filth. It doesn’t really feel that good, it couldn’t possibly. Chris is barely fucking him with the ferocity he usually does, but of course, that doesn’t stop Hyunjin from putting on a show. He’s positively melting on Chris’ dick. “Hey. Look at me. Can you cum like this?” Chris wiggles a finger in the direction of Hyunjin’s cock, laying red and wet on his thigh, “‘Cause I’m not touching that.”

“ _ Yeth _ ,” Hyunjin’s words are lisped from how tightly Chris is gripping his cheeks, “ _ feelth good _ .”

“Of course it does, baby.” Chris snorts, “You don’t care if the sex is good or bad, as long as you’re getting stuffed it’s okay, right?”

Hyunjin bobs his head up and down in a nod, making a piece of mud-caked hair slap him in his eye and make him squint. “ _ Yeth _ .”

Chris doesn’t rush himself when it comes to fucking Hyunjin. He likes to take his time, surrendering himself to the deepest, most intimate part of his boyfriend’s body. Hyunjin is just about to bury his face into the softness of Chris’ hoodie when he spots an obscured figure in the distance. They’re completely still, and even though Hyunjin can’t see their staring eyes from this far away, he’s almost sure that they’re watching them. His gut began to flutter with something that might be unease or might be excitement. They’ve been caught.

“Baby, there’s… someone...” he barely manages to choke out, because Chris is still fucking him into the dirt enthusiastically. The silhouette isn’t moving.

“They’re watching us.”

Chris pauses his thrusting and begins to grind his hips slowly, pushing his cock impossibly deeper. Hyunjin shivers, his toes curling in his boots. 

“Say that again for me, Hyunjin?”

The silhouette is moving.

“Wait, stop… Chris, stop!” The silhouette is sprinting towards them. Hyunjin makes an attempt to push himself upright, but his hands slip uselessly against the muddy ground and send him falling back underneath Chris’ body. When he looks back up, the silhouette is no longer the shadow of a person, but a clearly visible human being. 

Their face is obscured by some flimsy plastic Halloween mask that Hyunjin has seen advertised in costume catalogues. Their gloved hand is secured around the handle of a compact woodcutter’s axe.

Hyunjin screams.

“Fucking  _ move _ !”

And Chris does move, just too slowly. The stranger’s foot comes stomping down on Chris’ back, and Hyunjin feels the wind being knocked out of his lungs beneath the heaviness of his boyfriend’s full body weight.

Chris wheezes lamely. “ _ Hyunjin _ ,” he gasps, “what—”

Chris’ words die violently in his throat, and they’re replaced by an awful-sounding, bubbling gurgle. When the edge of the axe is finally pried from the side of his neck, everything comes gushing out: his garbled words, his breath, his blood. Chris frantically brings his hands to his throat, and once he realizes that he can’t breathe, he tries desperately to hold himself back together. But it all slips through the cracks of his fingers.

Hyunjin feels stupid. He just lays there and watches Chris gag and heave and splutter. 

Hyunjin feels so  _ stupid _ while he watches Chris spill into the mud.

Chris’ body was limp, the tension in his limbs fizzling out through his fingertips and evaporating into the night air. There was one final twitch, and then there was nothing. It wasn’t until Hyunjin felt something hot pouring out from between his legs that he really began to cry. There was urine leaking from where Chris was still buried inside him. 

“Oh god,” Hyunjin sobbed, his tears wetting the dried-up mud on his face and making it moist again, “Oh my  _ god _ .”

The stranger kept their foot on Chris’ back, even though he had long since stopped squirming. Hyunjin somehow found enough air in his lungs to let out another wail.

“I’m so sorry!” he didn’t know what he was asking forgiveness for exactly, but he still felt compelled to apologize. Apologize for having sex on burial grounds. Apologize for having disrespected Jisung. Apologize for every decision he’d made that had led him here.

“I’m so fucking sorry,” Hyunjin’s begging voice is scratchy and raw, but he keeps crying anyway. “Please don’t hurt me!” 

The stranger’s foot lifts from Chris’ spine and hovers threateningly above Hyunjin’s throat. He shakes his head hysterically and grabs onto their ankle with shaking hands.

“Please don’t!” Hyunjin pleads again, “Please!”

They don’t care. 

The heel of the stranger’s sneaker is digging into his esophagus, and Hyunjin feels his windpipe steadily being crushed. When he claws at their ankle, they only press down harder and make him croak. The suffocation is dizzying and painful. He gazes up at the sky, his mouth parted in a silent scream towards the stars. 

As if the stars could hear him. As if they would give a fuck. 

Hyunjin feels the crunch rather than hearing it, and suddenly he’s deflating.

Reality is beginning to warp. His brain is starving. The stars are spinning so fast.

All it takes is one well-placed punch to the knee to send the stranger collapsing to the ground. Hyunjin wastes no time in celebrating his good fortune and instead moves quickly. He crawls from beneath Chris’ body, away from the stranger and away from death.

He doesn’t get very far. Soon enough he’s being swallowed back up by the nightmare, the two hacks from the axe on his shins rendering him immobile.

This evil person is looming over him, watching him wriggle for a little while longer before it’s all over. Hyunjin begins to sob again. He’s going to die here.

The handle of the axe comes crashing down on top of his head, and the sheer force of the blow has his tongue bleeding and his teeth breaking. Hyunjin doesn’t make any attempt to move after that. The metallic taste is pooling in his mouth quickly, and it’s hard to play dead when he’s choking on his own blood.

There’s no way he can move on his own or breathe on his own. Every breath comes out as a quiet wheeze, the air escaping out of the cracks in his windpipe before it can reach his lungs. He’ll just have to wait until morning and hope someone finds him. Finds  _ them.  _ Hyunjin can’t bring himself to look at Chris’ bleeding corpse, stiffening slowly just a few yards away. 

_ Just wait until morning. _

But what is there to do until then?

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Soak up the mud. Count the blades of grass. Count the shining stars. Count the stranger’s fading footsteps.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

_ Just wait until morning. _

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Morning never comes.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> This is my first attempt at writing a multi-part series. This is part 1, so I'll be sure to do my best in releasing all of the other parts as soon as I can.  
> Also special thanks to [Seren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Str4y/pseuds/Str4y) for encouraging me to post this story. Without her encouragement, this fic would have rotted in my Google Drive lol  
> Feedback is greatly appreciated!
> 
> CuriousCat: gyungmi  
> Twitter: @filthyracha


End file.
